Why "Not so different"


I called the blog "Not so different" because I would like, among other things, to discuss with other gay men not only the things that separate us from the straight community, but also aspects of gay life and sexuality that are really not all that different from what straight people experience. Every gay man who has not totally cut himself off from the straight community, who has straight friends or is still close to straight relatives knows that many of his feelings and experiences with sexual attraction, relationships, and sexually related social interaction are not all that different from what straight people experience.

This does not have anything to do with accomodating our behavior or attitudes to win acceptance with straights. It's more about combatting that needless feeling of isolation and alienation we sometimes feel as gays. We, of course, have pleanty of reason to feel isolated and alienated, and, of course, it is useless and even self deceptive to deny that be have very important differences with straights. Perhaps, however, it is also productive to examine what we all have in common.

"Not do different" also refers to alleged differences within the gay community itself. Especially among somewhat socially conservative or "straight acting" gay guys (like me, I think), there is a certain discomfort with the more flamboyant of our brothers. (I am still, unfortunately, not free of this). We are the "real men," and they are the "nellies and screaming queens."But we supposedly "real men" should be aware that it is primarily the more flamboyant of our brothers who had the courage to go out on the streets and demand our rights. If I and my partner can be "out" both socially and professionally, it is largely due to the sacrifices and courage of those guys who we still might not have the guts to bring home to mother. It's important too that we see that we're not so different from each other.